I was glad my alarm clock went off on time, being plugged in to power supplied by the government regulated monopoly that is the power company, delivered over power lines which remain intact because of government regulations. It’s a good thing the government maintains the official US time and broadcasts the correct time to the entire nation, otherwise my automatic clocks (good Lord we live in a convenient time) may have been incorrect this morning, and I might not have been able to get up in time to take my son to his government run public school.
On the way there, we drove on public roads, maintained by public works and paid for by public dollars. While waiting at one of the traffic lights, supplied and maintained by the government, we almost got clipped by a fire truck – purchased with tax payer money and operated by the local government – while speeding on its way to rescue some family (they better be citizens) from a house fire. Good thing they were following the government regulations regarding the use of sirens. Phew! Once the road was clear, and being pretty sure that no one else was going to blow through the light because of laws put in place by the government detailing the regulations for emergency vehicles driving through traffic lights, we proceeded into the intersection.
As we did, I noticed a manhole cover that concealed a network of sewer lines – built and maintained by the government – that carries away storm runoff and keeps the roads from flooding. Good thing, I thought, because the safety of my tires might come into question in standing water were it not for the government standards regarding passenger tires.
Next, we passed by a municipal park, beautifully maintained by government workers being paid with my taxes. Once we got close to the school, a flashing School Zone road sign – paid for and maintained by the government – informed us that we should slow down to 15 mph, a law passed by our insightful government representatives to ensure the collective safety of our children.
Once I dropped off the boy, I waved to the police officer employed by my local government – and paid by my taxes – to watch over the School Zone and help keep our children safe from harm. Boy it sure is good to live free in America, I thought as I got back in my government sharehold GM automobile.
On my way home, I noticed the tank was low, so I pulled into the gas station to buy subsidized gasoline at $2.89. Thank God we don’t have to pay the real market value for gas! If it weren’t for the government subsidies, I don’t think an honest, hard working American like myself could make it… come to think of it, at least I have a job! …unlike those welfare bums. In fact there was one begging at the door as I went in to the convenience store to pay for my gas! LOSER, I thought as I bought myself a corn dog – I certainly trust the meatpackers to not only follow government regulations, but also to roll the dog in corn supplied by a properly subsidized American farmer.
After a stop at the ATM to withdraw some cash from my government bailed-out bank, I finally got back home. It was time to get ready for the rally! So I went online – DSL connection using phone lines once regulated by the US government – to check the weather supplied by the NOAA governmental weather agency. So glad I can trust the competence of those meteorologists employed by my government, so much so that I am sure I can wear shorts and a T-shirt to the rally without fear of encountering a thunderstorm.
I took a quick shower with my government facilitated water supply, heated by gas lines that I know won’t blow up because of strict regulations put in place by my government. I can be confident that the water heater was installed properly by a government licensed contractor who followed proper safety regulations, keeping my family safe from carbon monoxide poisoning.
Now it’s time to write up a protest sign on poster board that is made out of paper from trees grown in our National Forests, run by the same government agency that issues the hunting tags that I get every year to legally harvest a deer from the same forests to help feed my family. In making my sign, I used a permanent marker that I can be sure doesn’t contain banned substances like lead or mercury, or any harmful contents that aren’t clearly marked as per government regulations. Thank God for government oversight making our everyday world safer!
At first I couldn’t figure out what to write, but I knew it would be about the damn overreaching government we’ve got in this country ever since that socialist Obama stole the Whitehouse. Then I thought, no that’s too obvious, go with something more subtle. So here’s what I came up with, I think it summed it up pretty well:
"GET A BRAIN! MORANS"
PS - My kid was pissed I didn't let him play hookie like other tea baggers.
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